As far as my UC goes...I am going to have to make my relationship with sugar-free redbull and Diet mt. Dew a "treat" to suffer for. I am trying so hard to drink water instead of jump to caffeine. NOT EASY! I am so tired all the time and really wish I could get jump starts all day. A balanced diet is what I need and I am working on it. I'm just trying to change 26 years of habits like not eating because I'm anxious or eating because I'm anxious... I know I could be worse but DAMN...sorry! I am so burnt out. I wish I could eat decent for one meal, not stress for 5 minutes, and take my meds regularly and BOOM, I'm better. Deiscipline, I struggle with in all areas and I always put myself last. I know its weak but I want to avoid pain with pills, eat when I FEEL LIKE IT...not because I should and not have to worry that the stress I have and don't even want...is making me ill...ugh. I just needed to vent. but I do not actually think that anyone could live healthy like I do know anyways, let alone someone with this awful pain in the bum-disease ( Cant come up with a better word...)
I had an awesome counseling session like I figured I would. But I am trying soooo hard not to cry about my issues, all of them, and that was all I wanted to do. To fight that was hard but I am not the baby here, my kids are. Grow up Melissa, you did it to yourself...and now you wonder why life is hard...anyways, not like everyday is going to be a good day but I wish today and for awhile they could be better. I'm not ready for more pain. Emotional pain. But I guess God doesn't give us more than we can handle and as long as I keep my eye on Him, He won't lead me astray.
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